13th Sept

Do one thing each and every day for the good of my body, 1 thing for my soul and 1 thing for my heart.

Day 2 of this challenge....... and it really is a challenge. I have had my goal of finding things to be happy about something each day for almost a year now, and despite everything, tonnes of lows I have made it each day. It was enough for a while but I guess now I just need more focus than that gives me.

Body: I stuffed this one up.... I just pigged out, eating an entire packet of pringles without even noticing it. On the bright side, they are gone now so I need to put that behind me and get back on with it. I did have a short walk today which was nice.

Soul: I walked at a gardens that is a bit out of the way, even though it is local. I didn't know it existed till Mum mentioned it this morning. We went and took a look at it and it was so serene, lots of little trails. A place that I can go and just be.... which I will next week. Funnily enough as we were walking through Mum asked if I knew what it reminded her of, the feel and smell..... my instant reaction was an English wood. Maybe that is why I feel so at home there.

Heart: Again this is hard. I helped Dad out, and spent some time with Mum today. I decided to try and put some baggage down..... I wrote this to a friend last night :

I was always shunted off to my grandmothers....(I no longer have any contact with her)... always seemed too hard to have me around, always felt like I don't belong. That continues today, but it has flowed into all my life. I really get where you are with it, the thing people don't understand is that past hurts always keep you at the age you were when they occurred.... I am eternally 5 years old, and can't get past it. It is something that people who had truly happy loving childhoods don't get.

I have decided to get rid of it. I wish the other site had privacy options because there are a handful of people who's support I really do need but at the moment I can't put the whole me there. I can't put the whole me here either....