It has been

such a very long time since I even looked at my blogs, let alone thought about writing on them. I had contemplated deleting them, particularly this one but it would be kind of like denying myself a piece of who I am so it shall stay.

I am not sure what I want to write at the moment, or indeed if there is anything in my head worth writing....... I am feeling that I have very little to contribute to the online community that I ordinarily post to.... that is not in a down or depressive way, I simply have nothing to say.

2010 has begun and seems to have settled into it's own rhythm. I saw 2009 out feeling incredibly positive about the year ahead. In a way that I have never felt before. It seemed that absolutely anything was possible and that no matter what happened this year things would be ok. About 10 days in I hit a wall..... all the nagging fears came back.... some were sparked by people around me others just decided to play games. Fortunately it was very short lived and not as all consuming as usual. I have taken that to be progress.

I think this year is the year that I start to live the life I want rather than just getting by. I am finding that increasingly I am stating my thoughts about what I want or intend to do to those around without feeling like I have to apologise for it at all....... without feeling that I have to justify my thoughts to anyone. Maybe for the first time in my life I have just a little confidence in myself.........

Maybe................. just maybe.......... this really is the dawn of a new life.