I had a

conversation today with an old friend. It was done out of nothing but care........ but it has left me feeling completely misunderstood. I obviously can't articulate my thoughts about my being, my hopes and my dreams very well........ I always seem to come across as a completely miserable being who wants it all.

I want simple things.... that is what gives me the most joy...... but I do think that there is more to life than just being ok. That true happiness comes from sharing the things that bring you joy, from seeing them through some one elses eyes......from experiencing the things that bring others joy....... from building connections with others through these things........from the connection that is built when someone (friend or otherwise) thinks enough of you to want to see things through your eyes.

I was told today that I always seem to be searching for happiness rather than being happy. I don't think it is as black or white as that. I don't think it is happiness or unhappiness and that is it. I think that I am able to be happy about things as they stand........ but I am searching for that bit more, pushing it to the next limit. I think it is like anything... if you don't work at it, if you don't share it, if you don't test its limits it becomes a rut.

......... and now I am going to curl up and have a bit of a cry, and wonder what more I can do......